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Divorce And How To Survive The Holiday Season When You Have Kids: A Brief And Easy Guide

Is your divorce still in full swing during this holiday season? That's enough to make a lot of divorcing parents wince, especially if they'd hoped to have all of the issues -- including child custody, visitation, and support figured out and finalized by now. 

What can you do to make things easier for you, your kids, and even your soon-to-be-ex-spouse over the holidays? 

Use This Guide to Negotiate the Holidays

1. Set up a meeting with your spouse, preferably in a neutral location where you're both comfortable and where you won't be rushed. Local coffee shops are often great for these types of discussions.
2. Agree in advance that you're only going to discuss holiday-related issues during the meeting. Every other topic has to be set aside for the duration of the meeting.
3. If your spouse in the kind of person who just has to take the conversation "out of bounds" ignore all comments that don't require an answer. If there's a question involved, say something like, "I'll be glad to talk about that next time. Right now, we've agreed to stay focused on the holidays."
4. Take your calendar and a pen to the meeting and request that your spouse does the same. Also, try to have as much information as you can about all the family parties, school events, and other holiday happenings available.
5. Make a list for yourself of everything you'd like to have walking out of the meeting. Then divide that list into three sections -- what you know you can live without, what you really would like to have, and what is an absolute must-have for you. That will help you stay focused and know what to give up on in return for your spouse's goodwill on the issues.

From that point forward, it's all about communication and a willingness to co-operate. If you and your spouse are willing to put the kids first and recognize that this first holiday season is going to be stressful for them as well as the adults involved, you'll have an easier time negotiating.

Discuss the Following Holiday Issues

While this list isn't exhaustive, here are some top things to settle:

• If one parent is paying support to other, will he or she increase support to include holiday gifts or buy some independently?
• How will you coordinate the gifts that you and your spouse buy? You don't want to end up duplicating gifts, especially expensive ones.
• If there are any potentially controversial gifts -- like 3-wheeler or a Red Ryder BB gun -- make sure the other parent agrees to the gift.
• How much are you going to spend on gifts? Where do you draw the line so that you don't overcompensate out of guilt?
• How can you reduce the chaos of the holiday visiting schedule? If you've always taken the kids to grandparents' houses so they can see their aunts, uncles, and cousins during the holidays, try to arrange for different days. 
• Decide who gets the kids for what part of the actual holiday. Maybe you can take Christmas Eve and drop the kids off at your spouse's home right before bed or early Christmas morning. Or, you can pick them up Christmas afternoon and keep them until the following day.

There's no right or wrong way to work things out -- as long as you keep putting the kids first, and you and your spouse agree to the terms of the deal. There may even be some family traditions that you still want to continue -- together -- despite the divorce. For example, maybe the non-custodial parent could visit on Christmas Eve long enough for everyone to watch The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and drink hot chocolate together as usual. Kids thrive on stability, ritual, and repetition, so something like that could do wonders for everyone's holiday spirit.

If you need more help working things out, contact a law office like Hazlett & Pedemonte today.